she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize