He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
