Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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