hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
