I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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