I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
