Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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