I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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