they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
