Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
