the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
