It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
