my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
