five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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