3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
