I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
3pm strippers are depressing
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
