cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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