I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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