like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
