We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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