Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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