I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
