o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My cat gives me a boner
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
