mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
