My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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