Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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