I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
