Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
