I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In other news, I just burned my penis
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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