I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
