i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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