I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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