This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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