Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize