my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
