he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
