I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize