You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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