Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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