Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
