Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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