I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
