3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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