You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My penis needs a shock collar
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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