Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
