my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
