just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize