So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
operation harelip BJ is a go
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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