Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
