My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
