Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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