I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
