Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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