haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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