I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There are leaves in my underwear?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
