don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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