Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize