guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
