So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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