You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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