Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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