Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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