she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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