Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
