Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
