It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
