He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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