Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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