dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize