I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
