The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also, beer. Big fan.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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