I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
