You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
