I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
