Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
