I met the friendliest cop last night
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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