Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
