okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
