i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
