Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize