the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
