I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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