You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
