so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
