do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
