Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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