Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize