Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
