moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
