i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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