So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize