I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
