brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
