what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
