Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
