Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
