my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
