Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize