I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's official drugs can't kill me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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