sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just pee around me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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