i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
