I just cut my nipple shaving
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
