What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
