I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize