dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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