oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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