Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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