I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
