the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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