Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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