he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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