i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
