Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize