There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
