So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The struggles of a small town man whore
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
