You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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